Mission Improbable
by Tina Cullen
Summary: The Cullen couples are having marriage problems and Carlisle sees only one plausible solution: a marriage counselor. But what chaos will begin when the counselor suggest a solution which is less then conventional?


**Here's the essence of the story. Set, one year pots BD. Renesmee is at Jacob's. The Cullen couples are having marriage problems. So they go to see a marriage counselor, who makes a suggestion which will forever alter the Cullen clan. Special thanks go to **_**vjgm, **_**who wrote my inspiration for this story, **_**Family Therapy Cullen Style.**_

**Disclaimer Notice: I own nothing. Stephenie Meyer owns Twilight. But it's probably for the better, since if I owned it, it would be only fluff. **

Mission Improbable

What's Up, Doc?

BPOV

I dashed out of the room, as fast as my feet would carry me, which, okay, was pretty fast. I could hear his footsteps pounding the hard Earth behind me, but all it made me do was run faster. The only place I can think of to run was the only place I could fully be myself, where I was safe. I dashed past the trees and though the woods until I saw the familiar giant windows of the house in front of me. The family's house. As I ran, I thought of my situation. I was running away from the thing I loved the most, the very being who kept me grounded, my other half. I was running away from Edward. I wasn't sure why I had chosen to run; I just knew I wanted to get away from the fighting. This shocked me. Edward and I never fought. I mean, not when we were married, and certainly not when I became a vampire. As I ran the perimeter of the house and went for the front door, I heard Edward call my name behind me.

"BELLA! BELLA! PLEASE COME BACK!" Ordinarily, that would have been enough, but now his voice was the last thing I wanted to hear. I immediately changed that thought, because then I did hear the last thing I wanted to hear. Emmett and Rosalie. I didn't mind them normally, although I had been hoping for Alice or Esme. But I didn't want to hear them because it sounded to me like they, too, were fighting.

"Rose, what did I even do? I'm sorry!" I heard as I walk through the door.

"How can you be sorry if you don't know what you did?" She shot back.

"Doesn't it matter most what's in my heart?" He shouted back sweetly.

"Heart?" She scoffed. "What heart? Your heart, like your brain, is in your pants, Emmett Cullen!" I heard a door slam and saw a dejected Emmett slink across the living room, defeated.

"Well, fine!" I heard a shrill, silvery voice ring through the halls. Alice stormed down the steps, shouting the whole way down. "If you don't love me for who I am, you can forget everything, Jasper!" If she could have cried, tears would have been streaming down her face. I ran over and embraced her.

"It's okay Alice." I patted her reassuringly on the back as she sobbed tearless sobs into my shoulder.

"No Bella, nothing is okay! Nothing ever will be! Jasper doesn't love me anymore!" I pushed my shield out around her to give her some privacy. "He said-" I never did hear what he said, because upstairs I heard a different conversation. It was angry, just not as loud.

"Please, Esme, be reasonable. I was just trying not to hurt your feelings."

"Oh, is that so? So I'm just so sensitive that I need to be lied to for my own self-esteem, is that it?" I heard her walk out of Carlisle's office. It was silent in the house except for Edward's breathing behind me, Alice's sobbing and Carlisle's violent cursing.

"Who filled this place with estrogen, anyway?" I heard Emmett's rant as he stomped down the stairs.

"There you go again!" Rosalie was suddenly at my side, stroking Alice's hair reassuringly. Jasper came down the steps. We all turned to face him, glaring wickedly.

"Don't look at me! I can't make everyone hate their spouses all at once! Only narrators and authors can do that!" He looked around the room, as if some imaginary author was making them all speak lies.

"Children," Esme's voice was grave as she descended the stairs. "Please don't fight." She slumped down on the couch. I wanted to include her in our little consolation party, but she looked beyond help. The last to enter, of course, was Carlisle.

"Family meeting," His voice shook with anger. "_Now_."

I had never seen Carlisle so angry. At least, not at us. But I could tell from his eyes that he wasn't happy yelling at us for something that was out of our control. Lifeless and depressed, we followed him until we were at the center of the room. He collapsed on the floor as if he couldn't stand anymore, and gestured for us to sit in a circle around him. We exchanged glances and stood where we were.

"In a circle!" Carlisle's shouting shocked us and we dropped down in a circle so as not to offend him further. He breathed deeply for a moment, realized it wasn't helping, and cleared his throat.

'Now, I am aware that some of you have been experiencing roadblocks in your marriages. So I am going to ask that we go around the circle and see what is bothering you. Now, whenever one person is talking, you will not interrupt or I am calling in the Volturi, is that clear?" We nodded, and he seemed to calm down. "Rosalie, let's start with you." Her expression was solemn, but somehow fake.

"I'm sick and tired of Emmett's constant joking! I mean, I like that he has a sense of humor, but I mean, seriously, he told jokes during sex! SEX, FOR GOD'S SAKE! Honestly, I just wish he would be more serious at least part of the time!" Her voice had become exasperated.

"Wait a second, he told jokes…_during_ sex?" Jasper asked. Rosalie nodded. "During, not even about?" She nodded. "Damn." He shook his head.

"Jasper, it is not your turn. It is Alice's turn." Alice looked up from my shoulder, where her head still rested.

"I want Jasper to accept me for who I am. He shouldn't care if I shop too much and like to do makeovers on him, that's who I am! I just want you to love _me_!" She sobbed. I patted her head, all the while glaring at Jasper. He was busy apologizing the invisible driving force causing the problems.

"I understand." Carlisle said. "Bella?" I looked up from Alice and began.

"Well, it's just that, Edward is too serious all the time! I love him, but sometimes I just want to laugh, to have fun. I'm not happy with just…looking into his eyes. I love to look into his eyes, but I want more. More laughter, more excitement, more _fun_!" I was now speaking directly to Edward. My words seemed to sting him.

"But Bella, I love you! Isn't that enough?" He pleaded.

"It'll always be enough, Edward. But I just want…more than enough sometimes. I mean, when did we ever to something just for the heck of it? When were we spontaneous and random?" I asked. That threw him.

"Rose, you know I'm spontaneous and random!" Emmett added. Rosalie rolled her eyes.

"Yes, you are Emmett. You're like a ticking time bomb, a defective firecracker, a corrupt politician. I don't know what you'll do next! It's like talking to someone with no brain!" Her exasperation had turned to rage. Rosalie angry was not a good thing. I backed away a few feet. Alice and Jasper had started their own argument, but they were speaking low and fast, even I couldn't catch it. Carlisle and Esme seemed to be content with glaring and begging with their eyes, throwing in the occasional statement.

"Why won't you just tell me the truth?" She mumbled.

"I didn't want you to get hurt."

"Carlisle, I couldn't get hurt by you telling me if I'm talking to our kids the right way and how I look in my clothes." Their fight seemed the most frivolous to me, and I turned back to Edward. Carlisle spoke.

"ENOUGH!" His full voice shook the room. "I have made up my mind." Alice and Edward jumped in.

"WHAT? Carlisle how could you put us through this. This won't end well!" They shouted at different times. He just shook his head.

"No, it will end well because I'm not having this family fall apart over some silly arguments. Tomorrow, like it or not, we are going to a marriage counselor."

**There you have it. Once again, major props to vjgm for my inspiration **_**Family Therapy Cullen Style. **_**So, please review.**


End file.
